


I Don't Need Any Sleep

by otayuriistheliteralbest



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Jjbek, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sad and Sweet, Unfinished Business, ghostabek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 10:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12932943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otayuriistheliteralbest/pseuds/otayuriistheliteralbest
Summary: Otabek dies in a motorcycle accident and JJ is stuck picking up the pieces of his broken heart when a ghost appears in his apartment.





	I Don't Need Any Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Francowitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francowitch/gifts).



> I completely blame Francowitch for this one. Prompt generator told me my character was a ghost, and I asked for a ship. She told me JJBek. Thanks for beta'ing this for me, sweetie!

JJ stared up at the poster on his wall, a wistful expression on his face. He had forgotten, after a couple of years apart, how much he had cared about Otabek. He had moved on, gotten engaged to Isabella, and tried to forget the boy from Kazakhstan who could barely land a quad salchow until he’d joined JJ’s rink.

That didn’t matter anymore, though. JJ and Isabella were married, and Otabek... Otabek was gone. The news had spread over social media rapidly, and JJ hadn’t even heard it from a phone call. Instead, the world blasted the news and photo of his deadly crash on his motorcycle. When he had first seen the photo and heard the news, JJ did not want to believe it. He had immediately called Otabek’s number, but it rang and rang and rang and then went straight to voicemail. He tried again and again, not willing to believe what had to be true.

Then he called Yuri. Yuri was Otabek’s best friend, he had to know the truth. Otabek couldn’t just be... gone. Not now.

At first, Yuri did not pick up, but when he finally did, his voice was thick from crying, and JJ knew that it was real.

“N— no. He can’t be,” he said, tears streaming down his face.

“Well, he is, so deal with it,” Yuri’s rough voice told him. “There’s no bringing him back. No mistake. He’s just gone. He left us here to rot without him.”

JJ said goodbye and hung up the phone. He curled up into a tight ball on the bed and cried, his heart breaking over and over again.

   —

“You need to rest, JJ!” Isabella told him, exasperated at her husband. “You’ll never make it to the Grand Prix Final at this rate. Otabek is gone, yes, but you need to move on now. You knew each other for what, a year, while he was at your rink?”

JJ sat at the edge of the bed and shrugged off Isabella’s calming hand.

“I don’t need any sleep,” he said, but he knew that was a lie.

The truth was that if he slept, he dreamt of Otabek. Otabek grinning at him as he landed a (slightly wobbly) quad salchow for the first time. Otabek blushing as he told JJ about his crush on the Russian figure skater who was still in  _ Juniors _ , Yuri Plisetsky. Otabek silently crying in his bed because he missed Kazakhstan so much, and when was he ever going to make it home? Otabek sad that he didn't place at the Grand Prix Final, but happy for JJ because he had clawed his way back up from his crushing defeat in the Short Program to land the lowest spot on the podium. But he still made it.

Otabek telling him over FaceTime that if it weren't for Isabella, if JJ hadn’t proposed to her, he would have wanted to be with JJ. Even though Russian Yuri had always been there, in the back of Otabek’s mind, in truth it was JJ who always came first, JJ he thought about at night when he should be sleeping. Always JJ. Always Otabek.

JJ wandered the apartment while Isabella slept, stared up at the photo of him and Otabek that day at the rink, right after Otabek had successfully landed that quad salchow. Their arms were slung around each other, boyish grins on their teenage faces. What a simple life it had been.

“...JJ?” The voice trembled, and JJ whirled around to face the noise. It wasn‘t Isabella’s voice, it had been a man’s. But it was like a veil was drawn over the speaker. He squinted into the darkened room, trying to find the body that the voice had come from, but there was nothing.

“Who’s there?” He asked, his voice shaking.

“JJ, where are you? I can’t see anything... Where am I?”

JJ’s stomach dropped. It couldn’t be, he was gone... but that was definitely Otabek’s voice coming from... somewhere in the apartment.

“Otabek, is that you?” He asked tremulously.

“Of course it’s me, JJ, who else would it be?” Otabek said. His voice was becoming stronger, but there was still that veiled quality to it.

“Otabek, buddy, you  _ died _ . There was a truck turning a blind corner, and the driver didn't see you in time. He... he crushed you and the bike.” JJ’s voice hitched, tears coming to his eyes once again. He always seemed to be crying or on the verge of tears now.

A glimmering spot started to appear next to the couch, and JJ fixated on it.

“That can’t be right...” Otabek’s voice drifted. “Wait, that’s right. I remember.”

He was an ugly crier and he knew it. JJ wiped at his nose with his hand, unwilling to move to grab a tissue in case this... vision, this ghost of Otabek?... disappeared.

“I miss you, Otabek,” JJ said. And those words broke the dam. He broke down, crouching down the the floor to sob. “I miss you so much.”

Otabek continued to materialize, becoming clearer and still shining in a bright white light that almost blinded JJ. He floated over to where JJ had fallen and tried to pat him on the shoulder, but his hand just went through JJ, making him shiver from the cold.

“I’m sorry, JJ,” Otabek said. “I don‘t know how long I have here, I honestly don’t know what the rules are for this... thing. Whatever I am. A ghost, a spirit? But I’m here for you, JJ. Talk to me.”

They sat - well, JJ sat, and Otabek kind of floated in the space above the floor, his legs crossed and leaning toward JJ as they spoke quietly. JJ talked about the months since Otabek’s death, how hard it had hit them all. How hard it had hit  _ him _ , because he did not know what to do without Otabek there to talk to. They talked until the sun started to rise, and by the end of the conversation, JJ had felt lighter than he had since before the accident.

“I‘ll miss you forever, Otabek,” he whispered, not wanting to wake Isabella in the bedroom.

“I know,” Otabek replied. “I wish I could touch you, JJ. I want to hold you.”

JJ’s eyes welled up. “I wish you could hold me,too, Beks.”

A flash of light came through the window from the rising sun, lighting Otabek’s bright form up like a bulb. JJ blinked to clear his eyes, and there was Otabek, fully corporeal, sitting on JJ’s floor. JJ reached out a shaking hand to touch Otabek’s cheek, and it didn’t go through him. JJ cried out and collapsed in Otabek’s arms, sobbing into his chest. Otabek ran his hand along JJ’s back to sooth him, murmuring words of comfort to him. He scooted closer to the other man until he could lift him up to wrap his arm around him, and lifted his hand to JJ’s cheek, brushing away the tears. JJ raised his head to look Otabek in the eyes and went the remaining distance between them, lips touching gently, like he thought Otabek would disappear any second.

Otabek returned the kiss, pouring all of his love into it. He was soft, tender. He could tell that his time was growing short. Otabek broke the kiss and looked deep into JJ’s eyes.

“It’s time to let go of me, JJ. I need to move on to whatever is next. You will learn to live without me,” Otabek cracked a small smile. “And I hope that your life with Isabella is a beautiful one. If you have a son, name him after me, yeah?”

JJ nodded, but was unwilling to let go of Otabek. “Of course,” he murmured. “Anything for you.”

“You have to let go, JJ. It’s time for me to leave.”

“I don‘t want to,” JJ cried.

“You must.” Otabek’s voice was growing dimmer.

JJ leaned back from Otabek’s embrace, releasing him reluctantly from his arms. He and Otabek stood, though Otabek was becoming more and more transparent. Otabek turned toward the window, looking out on the sunrise.

“I’m glad I was given this chance to see you one last time,” he told JJ. “I think we both needed it. Maybe that’s why I hadn't moved on yet. I still felt the need to talk to you.”

JJ wiped his face with his sleeve. “I love you, Beks.”

“I love you, too, JJ. Goodbye.”

Otabek was sorrowful, but it was time to go. This was the end for him, and just the beginning for JJ. Otabek floated toward the window, and as JJ watched, disappeared from view.

“Goodbye,” JJ whispered to the empty room.


End file.
